I didn't write much in December did I? Not much of anything and a whole lot of everything happened this month too. I just can't decide if it was because I was too busy with the season or if I was too busy avoiding really thinking about the season without her. Maybe a little bit of both.
As much as I dreaded Christmas without our girl there was this other part of me that continually searched for joy. My God was faithful to provide! I'm certain that this was a choice. The more I focused on seeing other families celebrate their "normal" Christmases the more I hurt. But the more I focused on what I have been blessed with this December the more joy God placed in my heart! Make no mistake that this choice on what to dwell on is not easy-and sometimes I fail miserably. But I am doing my very best.
"Finally bretheren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy-meditate on these things."
- Philippians 4:8
So what's news you ask? (Ann I know that you are going to kill me for not telling you this morning at church!) This month we found out that we are expecting again! I can't express how strange it is to know that this baby would not have been had Brinley lived. I know that there will be a bittersweetness that she will not be here to greet her new brother or sister again. But I also see the blessing in new life, the beauty from ashes, and the joy that my God continues to provide.